A nasty, ugly trio... of which I found myself deeply embroiled in and guilty of.
I started this blog with noble aspirations. I have always loved writing, yet being a mommy and homemaker isn't quite the career that lets me write creatively, or even much at all. I found blogging to be the outlet that I needed, a way to resurrect a deep part of me that had been buried in a pile of diapers, sippy cups and binkies.
But Satan is a devious fellow, isn't he? He has likely had about 7000 years to hone his craft, and the most effective tool in his arsenal is to take what is good, and what you love... and use it to his advantage - and your downfall.
So it was with my blogging. Insidiously, I became obsessed with numbers. How many followers today?! What are my stats!?! How can I promote mySELF?! I would spend HOURS promoting each post on different linky's, twitter, pinterest, facebook and whatnot (Take a look at the # of blogs I linked with for my Best Bread Ever post). And then strive to post each day. That adds up to many, many hours each week just promoting mySELF. I just couldn't post and let it be what I had intended it to be... a creative outlet. No, it became WORK. Work that gave nothing back to my family or I. Work that did not help me grow spiritually, rather it ate into my time that I could have been spending with God.
And yet you would't have known it with my posts. They were genuine... in the sense that I was writing of daily life, and the kind of wife and mother I hoped to be. But the hypocrisy is that without disclosing what was really happening, it made it appear that I was happily achieving the every woman's dream... have a great blog, happy children, clean home, homecooked food, fulfilled husband, and a rich spiritual life! Ahahahahahaha.....no. Not even close.
Give praise and thanks to God... He truly does everything for a reason. My baby's sleep troubles forced me to have to step back from blogging. I thought it was only temporary, but in those trying, sleep deprived and chaotic days/nights, I found my thoughts churning about my blog... and the REAL reasons I had increasingly felt burdened by it. I blamed it on time crushing me... but it was my spirit being crushed. My integrity was at risk... and my children of course were suffering. (They begged me to play... but I said no because I needed to submit to more link parties! It got to the horribly ugly point where I was actually pushing the baby away from my leg so that I could work on the computer. For shame!)
Once I had realized all this, I knew there was only one cure. I had to stop cold turkey. I stopped, and completely ignored my blog.
It was hard, very hard.
And even though I'm posting today, I'm not 100% sure it's out of my system. So I'm laying down some ground rules for me. Some rules to keep me focused on the mission for MY blog (because everyone's is different), which is for me to write and express myself.
1. I will pray before I write each post. This is to keep me grounded and focused, and to ask for protection from Satan's influence.
2. I will post only when I feel inspired to do so, rather than feeling pressure to blog each day/week/topic.
3. If I feel inspired to share a post, I will link it with only ONE link party.
4. I will only blog AFTER I have read my scriptures for the day.
5. I will blog MY way and primarily for myself (remembering my mission), and not feel internal pressure to follow the format of another (ie. constantly adding scriptural references, trendy topics)
That is my confession. If you are still reading, thank you for being a reader. I know that I am not the only one who struggles with this, hence my public confession. Blogging can be such a blessing... or a curse, as with most technologies in our age.
I will strive for this blog be a BLESSING to first myself and my family, and then to others.